From television to prison: Santa Claus has had one heck of a year!

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NORTH POLE, ARCTIC CIRCLE — Every year, due to a special licensing agreement between Axiom and Santa Claus’ company, Holiday Spirit, Incorporated (HSI), MicroStation Today gets an exclusive, one-on-one interview with the jolly man in red. Usually the interview is held in a comfortable and gregarious environment, but this year, Santa Claus will be chatting with us from the unsightly confines of the North Pole County Prison, where he is awaiting trial on trespassing and disorderly conduct charges.

A slimmer Santa Claus’ promotional photograph for the show The Elf Apprentice.

Regardless of his misfortune, Santa has had a stellar year. From making all the holiday delivery quotas last year, to producing his own reality TV show “The Elf Apprentice”, to losing 50 pounds on the South Beach Diet, Santa has been on the up and up, preparing for what is to be the most challenging delivery season ever.

MicroStation Today: Santa, what the heck happened?

Santa Claus: Oh man! You wouldn’t believe me if I told you. It is the weirdest thing that could happen to anyone. Yesterday, while doing some dry runs for the holiday delivery season, I was delivering “preparatory gifts” (gifts given to special people that have been very, very nice in the past year) to Bill Gates’ summer estate here in the North Pole and his security didn’t believe who I was and called the police on me and here I am.

MST: That is bizarre. We are sorry to hear that. You have good lawyers though so we believe you will be okay.

Santa: Yeah, but I just hope the judge assigned to this case is on the “nice” list.

MST: Tell us about last year’s deliveries. We read the New York Post story on you breaking all previous quotas and setting a new record for the most deliveries done in the least amount of time.

Santa: Well I don’t like to brag (okay, maybe I do), but we kicked some major delivery booty last year. Thanks to the successful roll out of Axiom’s LearningBay and the authoring of our Elf Design and Delivery Preparation course, our production level was optimum! Furthermore, due to the precise CAD standards followed in all our designs (thanks to SpecChecker) and the total absence of design file corruption (thanks to FileFixer), all delivery files were 100% accurate and problem-free. This is the first year this happened.

MST: How did you manage all this in just a year?

Santa: Well, we took full advantage of the special training time we got from Axiom. It was phenomenal. We got to learn about many new features that have been recently implemented in some of the products we use all the time. Also, we got to find out a bit more about the products that we didn’t really use yet, like RefMerge. Now, when we archive drawings, we know to run RefMerge and merge each master file and its respective reference files into one design file to make it easier to archive (just archive one design file instead of one file and many references). The training has been unparalleled. We totally got a great deal on that!

MST: You do know that all Axiom customers get the same deal, right?

Santa: Impossible! How can Axiom afford to do all that training? I don’t believe you! Either way, the training helped us get the most out of our Axiom products.

MST: So how do you plan on making this year’s even higher quotas?

Santa: We are getting ready to upgrade to MicroStation V8 XM Edition. The new features will help us speed up our design work this year with it’s “task-oriented” interface. Also, using Axiom’s Title Block Manager we will be able to quickly update the sheet numbers and other title block information in all our designs once we are done. These two things alone will cut two work months from our operation. We can’t lose!

MST: Tell us about your TV show.

Santa: The TV show was Mrs. Claus’ idea. She is a big fan of Donald Trump and his show. She said, “Clausy, why don’t you do something like Donny’s show, but with elves?” And I did. The rest is television history. We have the elves doing all sorts of crazy stunts and eating the most bizarre things. Fox [television channel] agreed to give us at least two seasons to see if the show took off. With my recent arrest, I am sure that our ratings will go up.

MST: Thanks again for speaking with us. Good luck getting out of jail.

Santa: If they don’t let me out, it will be up to my elves to rescue me, like in that Tim Allen movie, The Santa Clause! I wonder if they could actually pull that prison break off… Hmmm…

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